It's crazy how stressful and difficult every decision is for me. In the time that it takes me to make a single decision, other people can make 2 or 3. Or as Xuemin would say, "10". It's jsut every little decision I make, I waver back and forth, and I debate over constantly, looking towards others for advice because I fear that the decisions I make will be the wrong decisions.
But ultimately, each decision I must make, must be made of my own free will, of my own choice. Because, as Ngoc says, I will live with the results of them.
And so, I had another moment of panic and that resulted in a hour or so long chat with my older sister regarding my future, my plans, and how my plans tie in with my future goals. And although I was pretty whiny and sad during this second reality check, it was a necessary talk.
As of late, I am constantly making decisions based on whims or short-term desires, with moderate regards towards how it is related to or will affect my future.
Sigh. Growing up is hard.
Being an adult is hard.
Anyways.... I resolved to myself that studying abroad again is something that I truly want and will truly benefit from.
More than regretting the choices I make, I fear that I will regret the choices that I don't make. And so, even as I wavered over the decision to apply (applications are due later today), I recognized (and so did my roommates) that if I did not apply, I would regret it.
Even if I get rejected, I will at least not feel regretful. I tried my best and it wasn't meant to be.
And so here I sit, several hours later, with my application 75% complete. Last touches tomorrow and then submission.
And it was interesting how when I sat down and wrote out my essay, how clear all my reasoning for studying abroad became. Clearly, I have more of a talent for expressing myself in written form than in spoken form.
Sigh, that will need to be rectified.
But ultimately, each decision I must make, must be made of my own free will, of my own choice. Because, as Ngoc says, I will live with the results of them.
And so, I had another moment of panic and that resulted in a hour or so long chat with my older sister regarding my future, my plans, and how my plans tie in with my future goals. And although I was pretty whiny and sad during this second reality check, it was a necessary talk.
As of late, I am constantly making decisions based on whims or short-term desires, with moderate regards towards how it is related to or will affect my future.
Sigh. Growing up is hard.
Being an adult is hard.
Anyways.... I resolved to myself that studying abroad again is something that I truly want and will truly benefit from.
More than regretting the choices I make, I fear that I will regret the choices that I don't make. And so, even as I wavered over the decision to apply (applications are due later today), I recognized (and so did my roommates) that if I did not apply, I would regret it.
Even if I get rejected, I will at least not feel regretful. I tried my best and it wasn't meant to be.
And so here I sit, several hours later, with my application 75% complete. Last touches tomorrow and then submission.
And it was interesting how when I sat down and wrote out my essay, how clear all my reasoning for studying abroad became. Clearly, I have more of a talent for expressing myself in written form than in spoken form.
Sigh, that will need to be rectified.
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