I'm always searching for something else.
It's a quest and a hindrance. Even when I've tasted something amazing, when I've completed a task that I know is noteworthy for me, when I've had an adventure, I'm constantly on the move for the next big, even more amazing experience.
By no means, am I unappreciative, but I'm just constantly thinking about what could be. And honestly, maybe there is nothing "better", no ice cream flavor or dessert more delicious than the one that I have had today, no other blog that is more enriching and enlightening than the one I read today, but with every exploration, I become a little more different, a little more wise, a little more knowledgeable, a little more liberated.
I'm constantly on the search to become a better person than I am today.
Which kind of brings me to my next point...
As graduation nears, I have started to realize more and more, the importance of office hours and of getting to know your professors and having them know you. It's not that I haven't tried, it's just I'm so very AWKWARD.
I love hearing about people's life stories, their adventures, and their experiences, but the very innate young child in me, can't help but feel stricken with fear at the thought of raising these same questions to my professors and GSIs without feeling like a bumbling 12-year-old with an intense well, fear of speaking to their teachers.
I know countless people who are able to speak up in 100+ lectures and have one-on-one meetings with professors over nothing more than a political discussion. And I would love to do that too, if only I weren't so stricken with my self-consciousness.
Self-conscious: Aware of oneself as an individual or of one's own being, actions, or thoughts.
Even the act of posting this blog, makes me self-conscious. This is something I too seek to change about my life. Sigh.
It's a quest and a hindrance. Even when I've tasted something amazing, when I've completed a task that I know is noteworthy for me, when I've had an adventure, I'm constantly on the move for the next big, even more amazing experience.
By no means, am I unappreciative, but I'm just constantly thinking about what could be. And honestly, maybe there is nothing "better", no ice cream flavor or dessert more delicious than the one that I have had today, no other blog that is more enriching and enlightening than the one I read today, but with every exploration, I become a little more different, a little more wise, a little more knowledgeable, a little more liberated.
I'm constantly on the search to become a better person than I am today.
Which kind of brings me to my next point...
As graduation nears, I have started to realize more and more, the importance of office hours and of getting to know your professors and having them know you. It's not that I haven't tried, it's just I'm so very AWKWARD.
I love hearing about people's life stories, their adventures, and their experiences, but the very innate young child in me, can't help but feel stricken with fear at the thought of raising these same questions to my professors and GSIs without feeling like a bumbling 12-year-old with an intense well, fear of speaking to their teachers.
I know countless people who are able to speak up in 100+ lectures and have one-on-one meetings with professors over nothing more than a political discussion. And I would love to do that too, if only I weren't so stricken with my self-consciousness.
Self-conscious: Aware of oneself as an individual or of one's own being, actions, or thoughts.
Even the act of posting this blog, makes me self-conscious. This is something I too seek to change about my life. Sigh.
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